Pluto Nash of the Day

There was an interesting show about a half hour ago on the History Channel. It was about the bathroom of the future. It was actually pretty cool. (About as cool as a show about a bathroom can get) They were showing hi-tech technology that may be used years from now. Some of the bathrooms were all automated, with countless buttons and different programs. However, as I watched it, a thought occured to me: It all seems too complicated. I mean, come on, it's a bathroom. Does it have to be more intricate than my computer? The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes, we make fantasy football too complicated. Once in a while, you don't have to look at stats from a previous year. Just look at the situation the player is in. Don't overlook what's in front of your face. Don't get me wrong; I'm as big as a stats junkie as anyone around, but for today, I'll put numbers aside. Any Lions QB or WR/Detriot: That's right, today you get a bonus. Instead of naming just one player, I'm giving you positions. Excited? There is one huge reason for why I'm avoiding any Lions QB or WR this year: the absence of Mike Martz. The pass happy Detriot appears to be no longer. Now, the Lions' offense will be much more conservative. This should expose their pass offense for what it really is. Let's face it, Jon Kitna isn't that good of a QB as his numbers would lead you to believe. He greatly benefited from Mike Martz, and as stated, Martz is gone. At best, Kitna is an average talent. When you consider his age (36) and his durability, (how much longer can he last behind that terrible Lion offensive line?) I think this is the year the wheels finally fall off. The outside chance of second-year QB Drew Stanton starting doesn't help either. Obviously, if Kitna is going to struggle or if an inexperienced QB like Stanton starts, Roy Williams, Calvin Johnson, and company won't be faring any better. Their fantasy value would be worse than Al Davis' PR guy.
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NFL News Wire Rundown - 6/30

I'm a new soul. In this very strange world. I've cleaned up, and I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. After being inspired by the G rated Wall-E getting the best reviews of any movie all year, I'm applying the concept to my own writing. Thus, the name change. I'm still a rotoworld whore struggling with an addiction, but instead of bringing you a dirty titled Report, I'll present my loving, ad-clicking readers with a more eloquent Rundown. "A soul that makes virtue its companion is like an over-flowing well, for it is clean and pellucid, sweet and wholesome, open to all, rich, blameless and indestructible." So says Greek philosopher Epictetus. So I'm going to take my indestructible mind and get on with this Rundown. Harrison Gets Paid The Bears are expected to finalize a four-year contract with rookie DT Marcus Harrison within the next 24 hours.

Getting Harrison under contract would leave Chicago with four remaining unsigned picks; Earl Bennett, Matt Forte, Chris Williams, and Zack Bowman.

Source: Chicago Tribune

Does Chicago want to get drop kicked by Brian Urlacher? If they don't give him money, the face of their franchise is going to smash the GM's face. You can smash me for that line too if you want. Andrews Has Relationship Issues Patriots CB/KR Willie Andrews was arrested Monday for allegedly pointing a gun at his girlfriend's head after she accused him of cheating on her.

The woman allegedly confronted Andrews at his apartment on Sunday night. She says he was waving a gun and that it touched her temple. This makes two arrests for Andrews this year, and we suspect he's out of chances. He was found in possession of marijuana in February. The Patriots are unlikely to look past this latest allegation, especially since Andrews is a role player.

Source: WBZTV.com

Ya man, I hate when the ladies find out too. Just pull a Shaggy, that usually works better than shoving a gun to the girl's head. You don't bust out a nine millimeter. Buddy, may I suggest Oprah? Kacyvenski May Retire? Free agent Isaiah Kacyvenski hopes to return to the NFL this season.

Kacyvenski, once a special teams star with Seattle, tore cartilage in his left knee during Raiders camp last summer and was released with an injury settlement. He says he'll consider retirement if no teams call him by Week 4.

Source: Binghamton Press and Sun-Bulletin See? Look what rookie contracts are doing to owners! Teams can't afford the thread it takes to put long names on jerseys, so guys like Kacyvenski end up out of the league! Roger, fix this problem fast. Not Even Pro Athletes Immune From Identity Theft An internet impostor reportedly created a false Reggie Williams MySpace page and announced that the fifth-year receiver would retire.

Williams told Jaguars.com that he does not, in fact, plan to retire. He doesn't want to let all his planned celebrations for eight-yard gains go to waste.

Source: jaguars.com

This was definitely a Colts fan trying to make the division easier. They don't have the smartest fans in Indianapolis... Derrick Martis Has An Evil Twin Ravens CB Derrick Martin denies that he was cited for drug possession at Hopkins Airport in Cleveland on Saturday, according to a team spokesman.

The man arrested has the same birthdate and name. The citation he received is similar to a traffic ticket and considered a minor misdemeanor. A $100 fine is the maximum penalty Martin faces, if of course it was him.

Source: Carroll County Times

What? Drug possession is the same level of crime as a traffic ticket? Martin getting framed by his clone isn't the weirdest thing going on here... No Interest in Joe Horn From Dallas Falcons GM Thomas Dimitroff says the Cowboys have not called him about Joe Horn.

"I've made no contact with Dallas or they with me," Dimitroff told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Horn, who said in May that he wants out, has been given permission to seek a trade, but he is more likely to eventually be cut.

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Of course the Cowboys haven't phoned about Joe. Haven't you seen his touchdown celebrations? Horn is the one who makes the calls.

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Rip Van Winkle of the Day

Just a short time ago, it seemed like Cincinnati was going to be a complete mess this year. Chad Johnson was threatening to hold out, and in the words of T.O., NFL fans everywhere were "getting their popcorn ready." T.J. Houshmandzadeh was becoming unhappy, and the Bengals seemed to be a trainwreck on the verge of collapse. However, things seem to be a bit more steady for the Bengals. Ocho won't be sitting out this year and the Housh reports have quieted down. While this team is far from being perfect, heck, they're still a ways off from being anything more than average, there are some player's that could emerge into fantasy producers this year. Andre Caldwell/WR: With Chris Henry getting into more trouble than Dennis the Menace and consequently, being cut by the Bengals and suspended by the league, there's a big hole to fill for the #3 WR in Cincy. With there being no clear guy to step in, multiple players will have an opportunity. Caldwell, although a rookie, is a polished WR. He played in a big school (Florida) and while he isn't a deep threat, he's a solid possession wide receiver. With Caldwell doing better than fellow rookie Jerome Simpson, he (Caldwell) appears to currently have the edge. *Side note. Here are some of the other candidates besides Caldwell competing for the #3 slot in Cincy. Whomever wins it has sleeper potential. Jerome Simpson, Antonio Chatman, Mario Urrutia, and Glenn Holt.
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Pluto Nash of the Day

Summer vacation means one thing to me, insomnia. I absolutely am unable to get any sleep during these three or so months. Early this morning, as I laid in bed unable to sleep, I pulled out an old fantasy football magazine from the 2006 season. I flipped through it and laughed and some of their projections; Aaron Brooks #10, Dante Culpepper at #11, Domanick Davis at #11, along with countless others. I happened to come across David Garrard's name in the book, and saw a typo I had never noticed before. They projected from him to have somewhere between 56 and 58 interceptions. Wow, talk about being pessimistic! Must've been thought of a huge bust in that magazine's eyes. While my "Pluto Nash of the Day" is a QB, I won't predict him to be that bad. Eli Manning/QB Giants: This isn't because I think Peyton's brother is a bad player, but his draft position is inflated because of a great playoff run. That's what makes me consider him a bust. Today, in fantasy football, it's all about "what have you done for me lately". Manning is one of the best last impressions made upon fantasy owners, as he played tremendously in the playoffs, capping it off with an upset over the New England Patriots. How quickly we forget that Eli had a pretty rough regular season. What happened to the good ol' days where Giants' fans rioted in the streets, bashing Eli? It's amazing that a span of 5 games can drastically chagne public opinion. Last year, Manning's QB rating didn't even reach 74. His completion percentage, even worse, 56.1%. That's Derek Anderson-esque, and you know my thoughts on him. He led the Giants to being ranked only 23rd in YPA, 5.51. (includes sacks) How do we not remember that he's never thrown for less than 17 INT's, or that he threw only 3 more TD's than INT's in the regular season this year? I won't say he'll throw 56 picks this year, but expect his turnover's to stay high. Manning still has a lot of growing he needs to do before I'm sold on him.
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Friday Night Fight (That Happens During The Day!) - Michael Turner

Every Friday, Alex and I will present you with a player that we disagree on. We'll stab each other in the throats and argue about him for a while, and then show you our two sides of the debate. Sounds fun doesn't it? Hold up, while you answer that, lemme go check to see how Alex is doing in urgent care... Michael Turner Alex Kozora's Opinion: Borderline top 20, weak second string running back in 12 team leagues, early to mid fourth round pick I like my top 15 backs to be proven. Turner is anything but. He's never had more than 80 carries in his career, and that was in a solid Chargers offense. Now, he's in Atlanta, the farthest thing from being like San Diego. The Falcons' offensive line is extremely questionable and if Matt Ryan starts, which could happen early in the season, defenses will stack the box and force Matt Ryan to beat them. Jerious Norwood coul also steal more carries than people think, too. He's done very well in his backup role the past two seasons. Tosten Burks's Opinion: Top 15, strong second string running back even in small leagues, mid to late 2nd round pick The reason I like Burner Turner a lot is simple. Opportunity. He's going to have all the chances in the world to prove that he can carry the load and be a fantasy stud. He has a rookie quarterback that will lean on the running game. There's no real receiving threat that will take tons of looks away from Atlanta's running game. The new offensive coordinator, Mike Mularkey, is a run-first coach. Yes, there's Jerious Norwood, but here's where a stat really stands out. Everywhere Mularkey has gone as an offensive coordinator or head coach, there has always been a single running back who's gotten the majority of the carries. 2004 in Buffalo, McGahee had 17.7 cpg as to Henry's 5.9. Year 2005 in Buffalo, McGahee had 20.3 cpg as to Shaud Williams's 2.6. 2 seasons ago in 2006 in Miami, Brown had 18.5 cpg to Morris's 7.6 (most of which came in the games that Brown missed due to injury.) Basically, Mularkey always gives his feature back the majority of the touches. Turner is the feature back. He'll get the majority of the touches, and I think those opportunities will allow him to have the ball in his hands enough to be a solid number 2 rb option for your fantasy team. Yes, my argument went longer. I understand that quality beats quantity. That's why I win.
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Rotoworld Whore Report - 6/27

Yes. I'm a slacker. I waited until 8:30 eastern time to put up today's report from your resident Rotoworld whore. So unless any east coasters out there spend their friday nights researching fantasy football news, you're not going to enjoy my Pulitzer worthy content until the day after it's posted. Sucks, I know. But alas, I live in California. It's 5 oclock here. I'm checking up on NFL news. And I can't imagine I'm the only person in the pacific standard time zone who is doing so. So, without further or do, here's your daily, humor injected football news piece of goodness. Kurt's Contract Talks Remain Slow The agent for Kurt Warner says talks with the Cardinals regarding an extension for his client remain slow.

Not many transactions will take place between now and July 4, when many NFL execs return from vacation. Warner wants two years added to his deal.

Source: East Valley Tribune Wait, all the NFL execs return from vacation at the same time? What'd they all do, go on a cruise together or something? This kind of creeps me out. But it does explain why the negotiations haven't picked up yet. Because there's no one there to negotiate with at the moment. Why is this a story anyway? Warner wants a contract extension, but hasn't gotten it yet. It may be because the front office people are out of town. Enlightening... 3rd and 4th Receivers for Detroit Expected To Be Worthless Shaun McDonald is expected to remain the Lions' third receiver this year.

McDonald is recovering from knee surgery and practiced little in the spring, but he's Detroit's best slot receiver. Mike Furrey will probably be the No. 4 option. The Lions will use more basic two-receiver sets under new coordinator Jim Colletto, so neither will be a fantasy asset barring injury.

Source: MLive.com

Jim Colletto's last two gigs were for the 6-7 UCLA Bruins and the historically pass crappy Baltimore Ravens. His qb is John Kitna. He has no running backs. I don't think the #1 and #2 receivers will be huge fantasy assets either. Ricky Wants 4 More Dolphins RB Ricky Williams plans on playing four more years of football.

Williams' temporary retirement due to violations of the NFL drug policy saved him a few years of wear and tear on his body, so he figures he can contribute into his mid-thirties. As he's a free agent after this season, Ricky could be taking his revival tour to a new city next year.

Source: NFL.com

In a related story, George Bush plans on serving four more years in the White House. Both have about the same chance of happening. Miami Dolphin Garage Sale: Everything 50% Off During an interview with WQAM in Miami, Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland said "Every player (on his roster) is for sale."

It doesn't sound like this was a direct reference to Jason Taylor. "We will be spending a ton of time in training camp, in the 53-man cuts, to try to steal a couple of players off waivers," Ireland continued. He added that the "prime trade window" comes right at the end of training camp. Miami is still looking to bolster its roster and will be active in early September.

Source: South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Translation: Holy crap my team sucks. Losing players couldn't even make it any worse than it is now. I wish I was still a scout for the Cowboys. Miami sucks. Irish people make the best beer. Al Davis Realizes He's An Idiot Al Davis reportedly regrets some of his big-spending this offseason, according to Yahoo! Sports.

The Raiders, of course, call this "rumor mongering," which usually means it's true. But after blowing a huge amount of money on Javon Walker, Tommy Kelly, Gibril Wilson, and DeAngelo Hall, the Raiders are under a lot of pressure to win this season. If they struggle, perhaps Davis will consider giving up some decision-making power.

Source: YahooSports The revelation came when Al saw Javon Walker practive and realized he wasn't Herschel Walker. Davis promptly told his GM to go out and sign "That other Walker guy," but was notified that Herschel has been out of the league for 11 years. It was right after these events that Al Davis made these comments to Yahoo!. Goodell Thinks Rookie Contracts Are Too Big NFL commissioner Roger Goodell believes rookie contracts at the top of the draft have become "ridiculous" and intends to take action.

"There’s something wrong about the system," he said. "The money should go to people who perform." Goodell said he wants to lower rookie salaries, but give them the option to renegotiate when they prove themselves. The key is getting the NFLPA to agree to something like this, which will be difficult.

Source: Associated Press

People have said this Goodell guy was a genius. I didn't realize it until now. This is just a revolutionary idea. Lower rookie contracts? How can you not fall in love with Roger now that he announced this new idea? Najeh On the Block The Steelers are shopping Najeh Davenport in trade talks, according to NFL Network's Adam Schefter.

They won't get much for him. Davenport can play on third down and is an average short-yardage back, but is injury prone, has off-field question marks, and is unlikely to make the Steelers. Teams can just wait for Davenport to be cut rather than give up a draft pick or a player with potential for him.

Source: NFL.com What would you rather do as an NFL general manager? Give up something for a player and then give said player money, or just wait a day and give said player money without having to give anything up? I think most guys would take the latter. Najeh Cut Steelers released RB Najeh Davenport.

Davenport doesn't lack talent and shouldn't go jobless through camp, but wasn't needed in Pittsburgh with Rashard Mendenhall and Mewelde Moore behind Willie Parker. We'd slot Najeh ahead of Shaun Alexander in terms of value. The Browns, Saints, and Titans are teams that need running backs. Davenport can return kicks, operate on passing downs, and has a career YPC average of 4.7.

Source: Profootballtalk.com I guess my previous comments were wrong. You only have to wait 3 hours. Nice try Pittsburgh. I can't figure out why teams didn't offer you anything either... Lynch Says Sorry Marshawn Lynch formally pleaded guilty to "failure to exercise due care" -- a traffic infraction -- in Eric County court Friday.

As expected, Lynch admitted to being the driver in a hit-and-run that left a 27-year-old woman injured on May 31. He apologized to the victim and will avoid criminal charges. It would be a shock if Lynch faces any NFL discipline.

Source: Associated Press This is good news for preschool teachers everywhere. Now they have concrete evidence for their lesson plans that saying sorry gets you out of trouble and solves everything. Childress Raves About Edwards Vikings coach Brad Childress says DE Ray Edwards has recovered nicely from a lower back injury he suffered at OTAs.

"He looks like a million bucks," Childress said. Edwards doesn't play a particularly sack-friendly position at LE, but should face few double teams due to the talented linemen adjacent him. He isn't a bad bet for ten sacks.

Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press

So Brad thinks Ray's muscular back looks like a million bucks. Speaking of people going on Rosie O'Donnell's cruise...

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Rip Van Winkle of the Day

I couldn't get away from talking about sleepers for more than a day. I need help; I think I'll start a 12-step program. But for today, I'm still addicted to sleepers. Martellus Bennett/TE Dallas: Because I'm a giant nerd, I did a seven round NFL mock draft in April. My predictions were pretty terrible; I only got ten picks correct out of the entire thing. Please, hold your laughter. I did find out one thing when I read scouting reports for potential draftees: Bennett has the physical tools to become a star tight end in the league. He's an asset in both the passing and running game. Meaning, he can catch and block. I am fully aware of the fact Jason Witten is the start in Dallas, and that won't change. However, according to Rotworld, a local Dallas paper had this to say. "Jason Witten will play more snaps as a wide receiver this season, according to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Someone needs to get the local rag a memo that Witten already saw a huge percentage of his targets lined up as a wideout. While Witten isn't quite as effective out wide, he's ultimately their No. 2 receiver and should see more pass targets than ever" With Witten playing more and more at WR, Bennett will have a chance to start at TE in those situations. Given his talent, he could make an impact. Don't get me wrong, there is no reason to devalue Witten. If anything, his value is as high as ever. But with Witten playing more WR, other players will get their chances in Dallas' potent offense.
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Pluto Nash of the Day

Would you look at that, I won't be talking about a sleeper today. Surprised? I am. Instead of talking about a player who is underrated, we'll be discussing a player who I think is overrated. Someone who I think could be as big of a bust as one of the worst movies of all time, The Adventures of Pluto Nash. I am ecsatic I never saw the movie. Derek Anderson/QB Cleveland: This may or may not be because I am a Steelers fan and consequently, I hate the Browns. Joking aside, (if you can call that pathetic attempt and trying to get a laugh a joke) there are some alarming numbers from Anderson last year. First off, his completion percentage was terrible last year, a mere 56.4%. In comparison, Tarvaris Jackson recorded over a 58% completion percentage last year. You know your QB has red flags when Tarvaris freakin' Jackson is doing better than you over the course of a season. Last year, Anderson had a poor completion rate as well, 56.5%. The numbers suggest that they won't be getting much better anytime soon. Anderson started to come back to Earth towards the end of the year, throwing 9 TD's and 10 INT's from Week 12 and on. Don't forget that opposing teams have an entire offseason to gameplan against Anderson and to try to come up with ways to slow him down. In my opinion, it's too early too tell whether or not Anderson is the real deal of a fluke. His draft position is making it seem like he already is the real deal and that is simply not yet the case.
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Rotoworld Whore Report - 6/26

Sorry for leaving you hanging yesterday. I was gone all day feeding starving African children. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Except for some reason, when they saw we were Americans they kept shouting, Angelina? Jolie? Angelina? I can't figure out why... But I'll try to not let my work on the side prevent me from keeping up with the humanitarian task of keeping you up to date on NFL news to prepare you for your fantasy football season. So let's get back at it. Marshall Back in Trouble According to the Atlanta PD incident report, Brandon Marshall's hand "had been cut on glass during the fight" before his March 6 arrest for battery.

A team spokesman says Marshall told the Broncos about this incident and it is unrelated to the severe arm injury he suffered on March 22. Marshall claims his girlfriend's two sisters attacked him on March 4. "The incident he is recovering from happened several weeks later in Florida," the Broncos' spokesman said. The NFL confirmed it is investigating Marshall's arrest. We can't envision him being available for all 16 games this season.

Source: Denver Post

So Brandon got attacked by his girlfriend's family on March 4th, arrested on March 6th, and had a severe arm injury on March 22nd. Bad month... But it only proves what I've been saying since Marshall supposedly slipped on a McDonalds bag and then changed the story to wrestling with family members. This guy is a head case. He's not the next TO. He's worse. He has an extensive criminal record from college, he's been involved in numerous incidents this off season, he's lied about some of said incidents, and he's pissed of his quarterback. Now he's facing a probable suspension. It's a shame that his talent and situation is going to go to waste for fantasy purposes, but try to avoid him in the first couple rounds of your drafts. I'd put money on these new reports of his shenanigans not being the last. Chris Johnson Impresses Titans RBs coach Earnest Byner says first-round pick Chris Johnson has showed an excellent work ethic and mind for the game during OTAs.

The rookie's speed has also predictably impressed. Byner wants Johnson to finish his plays and become stronger mentally. It's interesting to note that Byner went to East Carolina, where his now-pupil shattered all his records.

Source: Nashville Tennessean It's a good sign that Johnson is looking good early on. I see him being a nice little lightning to LenDale White's thunder. He'll probably get around 10 touches a game both in the rushing and the passing game. Look for him as a solid #4 running back that you can probably get late. I think he's going to get overlooked because of all the other big rookie running back names that are coming into the league this year. Chris Henry Impresses Titans RBs coach Earnest Byner has been impressed by RB Chris Henry's work ethic at OTAs, but thinks Henry's still got a long way to go.

Byner says Henry, who may be inactive on most game days this season, needs to improve his focus, technique in blitz pickup, and his initial read. Henry also must show special teams value to make the roster on Sundays.

Source: Nashville Tennessean Wait, didn't you just see this? No, no, Earnest just couldn't think of anything good to say about Henry so he repeated what he said about Johnson. Or maybe he is genuinely impressed by both of their work ethics. He probably isn't used to coaching running backs who work hard, coming from his last gig in Washington. Roydell Williams Continues To Be A Worthless Pile of Dreadlocks Roydell Williams (ankle) has not resumed practicing at Titans OTAs this week, as the team had previously hoped.

It's still early, but Williams has to be close to the bottom of a 9-man wide receiver chart that will be whittled down to 5-6. Biren Ealy, Justin McCareins, Justin Gage, and Lavelle Hawkins are four virtual locks ahead of him. If Williams is unable to practice by late July, he will likely go on camp/PUP.

Source: Nashville Tennessean

Biren Ealy and Lavelle Hawkins are now ahead of Tennessee's number one wide receiver from last year? Good gosh the Titans suck. I guess cool hair can only get you so far Roydell. Kurt Quarterman Actually Gets Talked About On Blog! Giants claimed G Kurt Quarterman off waivers from the Falcons.

Quarterman will probably be just a body the Jints carry to camp, then cut.

Related: Falcons

What's the point of giving this guy money? To use as a piece of exercise equipment? I have no other explanation for why the Falcons would want to carry this 328 pound dude. Keyshawn Says He Wants To Play Again; Again ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson told the Miami Herald that he's still "seriously" considering a comeback.

However, the idea wasn't discussed when Keyshawn spoke to Dolphins VP of football operations Bill Parcells last month and it's unknown what type of condition Johnson is in. He'd probably need at least a few weeks of training camp to get in football playing shape. Perhaps something will happen next month, but we wouldn't bet on seeing Keyshawn in pads in 2008.

Source: Miami Herald

Your time is over. Enough with these publicity stunts of saying you want to make a comeback. No one cares. Eric Parker to Cleveland? The Dayton Daily News suspects that it would only take a late-round pick in 2009 for the Browns to acquire Eric Parker from the Chargers.

Parker has no role on the Bolts, is coming off a major injury, and has a relatively pricey contract. But Browns coordinator Rob Chudzinski knows what Parker can do from their days together in San Diego, so this may be a match.

Source: Dayton Daily News

Geez, the Browns are becoming the Buccaneers of the wide receiver position. Edwards, Jurevicius, Stallworth, and Cripps are already there. Not to mention Kellen Winslow. Now you want Eric Parker too? This is probably where Keyshawn will end up. Chad Johnson Gets Sued Chad Johnson has reportedly settled with 30 patrons of a comedy club who were suing him for promising them prizes but failing to deliver.

Johnson and the Funny Bone Club agreed to pay $100,000, presumably for the 30 people to split up. The case was set to go to trial on June 30.

Source: WLWT-TV Cincinnati Holy crap. 30 "prizes" from Chad Johnson is equal to 100 grand? What kind of things did he promise them? Definitely not a couple autographed footballs... Sorry if the jokes weren't as top notch today. The advertisement on the side hand column of rotoworld today had a giant, smiling picture of Al Roker pimping his new show Celebrity Family Feud. Needless to say, it was hard to concentrate.

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Fantasy Football Approval Rating- Scott Engel

We all have our thoughts on the many various fantasy writers out there. You like some writers, and some make you madder than when Westbrook took a dive at the 1 yard line. Here is your chance to let your thoughts be heard by all. Every Wednesday, we'll shortly talk about another fantasy writer and you, the reader, will get to vote on whether or not you're a fan of their writing. Today's fantasy writer on the hot seat: Scott Engel, a fantasy football writer. It should be pointed out that Engel is done writing the fantasy column for ESPN, but oh well, we're still putting him on the hot seat. Why? Because I can. Blogging power is very addicting. Answer away folks, do you like Scott Engel?
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Rip Van Winkle of the Day

Who would've imagined it; the Pirates actually beat the Yankess last night. And they didn't just beat them, they destroyed them. I figured the Dolphins would have a better shot to win the Super Bowl this year than for the Pirates to blow away the Yankess the way they did. Talk about surprises. Speaking of surprises, here's another surprise candidate for the 2008 season. Fred Jackson/RB Buffalo: I am very concerned that Marshawn Lynch could be yet another victim of the sophomore slump. And I hate that thought because I think Lynch is a talented young back. It seems to me that Buffalo may just be putting too much of the workload on Lynch's shoulder's, increasing the risk for injury. Last year, Lynch had 280 carries. By comparison, Carnell Williams had 290 rushing attempts his rookie year. Don't forget, Lynch only played in 13 games, he missed three with an ankle injury. 280 carries in 13 games for a rookie running back! Almost unheard of. I remember a lot of people questioning whether or not John Gruden was putting too much of a burden on Caddy early in his career. I'm quite surprised the same questions have evaded Lynch and the Bills. While injuries are near impossible to predict, there is some evidence that Lynch could get hurt. I won't move Lynch down in my rankings because of that, like I said guessing injuries is well, guesswork, but in the event he does get hurt, Jackson is the clear backup. Current rookie Xavier Omon may vulture some red zone carries, but it'll be Jackson's job to lose.
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Rotoworld Whore Report - 6/24

Adam Not-PacMan Jones is going to pray for Don Imus. We all should. Have you seen his hair? He is a doomed soul. It's a good thing we have saints like Jones to put in a good word to God about guys like him. Hey Adam, you wanna also ask God if he'll give me more comments and emails about this blog at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com? I would think that the Pulitzer worthy content on this site would draw more reader participation. Pulitzer worthy content like today's report from your resident Rotoworld Whore. Hefty Lefty Left out of Giants QB Mix Giants released QB Jared Lorenzen.

A J Load off their roster. Lorenzen was a four-year pet project for Tom Coughlin, but he lost favor in 2007 after an ugly preseason and an ankle injury. Anthony Wright is likely to beat David Carr for the backup spot. Rookie Andre Woodson will either be the third quarterback or get placed on the practice squad.

Related: David Carr, Anthony Wright, Andre Woodson When Tom Coughlin says there was no room for the 285 pound Lorenzen on the roster, he means it literally.

Vernon Davis is Very Fast 49ers offensive coordinator Mike Martz praised Vernon Davis' work ethic and speed this offseason.

"I don't know who beats him in a footrace," said Martz. Literally no tight ends can; Davis runs a 4.38 at 254 pounds. Martz is showing Davis film of Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce rather than tight ends Martz has coached, signaling his plans to use Davis out wide. Still, we won't have a great idea of how Davis will be used until the preseason. Only so many receivers can play outside.

Source: Sacramento Bee I bet Jared Lorenzen would give Davis a run for his money. Pun intended. Really though, if Martz envisions Vernon Davis as his Torry Holt of the 49ers, he could be set for a breakout year. Also, with Delanie Walker and his big, new contract wowing Martz as well, San Fran could produce two fantasy relevant tight ends this season, with Davis out wide and Walker in the slot. Leftwich Cuts 25 Pounds of Dead Weight Free agent Byron Leftwich says he's lost 25 pounds and wants to join a team for training camp.

His first Rotoworld post in 17 weeks. Dropping 25 lbs off his playing weight would put Leftwich at 6'5/225 and possibly enhance his mobility. Bears personnel director Bobby DePaul called Leftwich "an interesting guy," but the 28-year-old QB hasn't had so much as a free agent visit. Perhaps Chicago will give him a call if Kyle Orton doesn't separate himself this summer.

Source: Washington Times Apparently Byron didn't want to end up as the next Jared Lorenzen. He'll most likely earn a spot on a team somewhere. I heard the Buccaneers are looking to carry 134 qbs on their roster and I think they only have 133 at the moment. Haynesworth's Contract Negotiations Nowhere Close to Being Resolved After Jeff Fisher called the scenario unlikely last week, GM Mike Reinfeldt said Monday that the Titans would consider agreeing not to franchise Albert Haynesworth in 2009 if he plays under his one-year tender in 2008.

When Reinfeldt worked in Seattle, the Seahawks did something similar with Shaun Alexander, but still struck a long-term deal in 2006 (and how well that turned out). With extension talks stalled, Fisher's stance on the matter makes more sense. Haynesworth would get $7.25 million via the 2008 tender.

Source: Nashville Tennessean When will teams start to actually give money to the best players on their team? Albert is the best you got Reinfeldt. Just give him the money so the contract disputes can stop taking up rotoworld space that could be used to cover Jared Lorenzen news.

Chilo Rachal to Play Backup Guard Following the 49ers' signing of Barry Sims, second-round pick Chilo Rachal is expected to move to guard after being used at tackle during OTAs.

There was in-house disagreement about whether Rachal should've tried tackle in the first place. He'll likely back up right guard David Baas this year.

Source: San Francisco Chronicle

Barry Sims may play better tackle than Rachal, but I be he can't lean like a Chilo. Wow. That might have been the most cheesy, pointless thing I've ever written, or ever will write on this blog.

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Rip Van Winkle of the Day

I'm pretty bummed out today. Yesterday, I found out something about myself: I suck at blog pimping. I'm absolutely terrible at it. A walrus has more blog pimping ability than me. (I forgot to mention: I'm the Don Imus of the walrus community.) If there is one thing that'll cheer me up, it'll be talking about one of my favorite sleepers of the year. Not only does he have a sweet name, he, in my mind, has the potential to be the Owen Daniels of this year. Martrez Milner/TE Atlanta- Anybody and everybody who even follows the NFL knows that Atlanta has a terrible receiving core. There's Roddy White and...um...well, there's Roddy White. This leaves the door wide open for a new target to emerge. Milner, known more for his pass catching ability, could be just what the doctor ordered. (Although, now that I think about it, if a doctor were to order anything in Atlanta, it'd probably be a plane ticket to get out of there.) He showed some flashes in his rookie year last year before a knee injury ended his season, but he is now fully recovered from that. While Atlanta's QB situation is worse than Shaq's rapping ability, rookie QB Matt Ryan, assuming he gets a lot of playing time, (And judging by the money he just got, I'd say he'll get a lot of PT.) could look to his TE a lot as a safety valve. I wouldn't suggest drafting Milner in leagues 12 teams or less, but he is one guy I'm going to keep my eye on and try to snag in the late rounds of deep leagues.
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Rotoworld Whore Report - 6/23

Heck yes we're using an NBA slogan for this blog. A split screen TV commercial is coming. Heck yes we have a column called Man Crush Monday. A George Takei guest spot is coming too. And heck yes my colleague Alex doesn't know how to properly use apostrophes. When you have hair, who needs grammar anyway! But my explanations and rants have pulled me away from the task at hand, which is to fight through denial and admit my addiction problem. No I don't do crack. I'm not a porn guy either. Admitting is the first step. Admitting is the first step. I... I'm a Rotoworld whore. My weakness is the beautiful site known as Rotoworld. It's amazing. It's fantastic. It's the only reason I'm single; I'm holding out in hopes that California will let people marry websites to go with same sex unions. However, since that's not going to happen until some weirdo is in office, the next best thing is to break down the reports every day for you guys. And awaaay we go. Strahan is Foxy Michael Strahan will join Fox's Sunday pregame show.

It appears that he'll be added to the mix without any of the Fox regulars getting the boot. Strahan is genuinely funny, so the ratio of actual laughter versus painfully forced laughter should be on the rise.

Source: SI.com Yes, the laughter will be genuine. How can Bradshaw's dome now combined with Strahan's teeth not produce sincere amusement? Avoiding ESPN's Bermanism filled pregame circus has never been as fun as it will be this season. Benson's Tricked Out Ride A Travis County judge has ordered free agent Cedric Benson to put a built-in breathalyzer in his car.

The judge also told Benson to begin alchohol counseling classes. The ignition interlock breathalyzer must be installed within the next 72 hours. It will prevent Benson from driving if he doesn't blow into it and register under the legal limit.

Source: Austin American Statesman

Ha. Bet not even his drug dealer has this tricked out feature on his whip. First pre-installed AC, then satellite radio, and now built-in breathalyzers? Automobile innovation never ceases to amaze. Ali On the Block Browns FB Charles Ali may be available in a trade, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Terry Pluto.

Ali, a pure blocker and special teamer, might net Cleveland a seventh-round pick. He appeared in 13 games as a rookie in 2007 and received no touches.

Source: Cleveland Plain Dealer Charles Ali may be dangled in trades by the Browns. The decision is not an absolute though. Phil Savage is still scoping out the league to see if he'll be able to get at least a few bags of footballs and a sandwich or two for Romeo in return for this stud before he for sure puts Ali out there for offers.

Packers Looking for Backup QB Rookie QB Brian Brohm reportedly showed poor decision making and took too many "would-be" sacks at Packers pre-training camp workouts.

As you'd expect from a rookie in a complex offense. Aaron Rodgers' job isn't in doubt. The Green Bay Press-Gazette says that if Brohm continues to struggle, the Pack might sign a veteran (Craig Nall?) to take over as Rodgers' primary backup. Matt Flynn reportedly looked worse than Brohm, displaying a weak arm and picking up the offense slowly.

Source: Green Bay Press-Gazette This is smart. There are some definite veterans on the market that would fit perfectly in Green Bay. One of them has constant five o'clock shadow and a lover by the name of John Madden... Don't take Rodgers in your early drafts thinking that you have a for sure starter. Favre's retirement papers aren't in yet. Roydell has Fisher Fuming Titans coach Jeff Fisher called Roydell Williams' slow recovery from a fractured ankle "frustrating." Williams' surgery required screws and plates, which won't be removed from his leg until 2009.

It's more frustrating for Williams, as he's in a contract year and has almost certainly lost his starting job to Justin McCareins. Williams hopes to be ready for camp, but doesn't anticipate being pain free all season. He won't be a fantasy asset in 2008. "I don't know anything about him," new coordinator Mike Heimerdinger acknowledged.

Source: Nashville Tennessean I can't decide what is more frustrating. The fact that Williams is having a slow recovery or that he lost his starting job to Justin McCareins. That tells you all you need to know about the weapons Vince Young has to work with. Please don't take VY as anything more than a back up on your fantasy roster. Update: Ryan Grant's Contract Negotiations SI.com's Bucky Brooks predicts that the Packers and exclusive rights free agent Ryan Grant will eventually agree on a "three- or four-year extension."

Ideally, Grant should be shooting for a three-year contract in roughly the $14-15 million range. That way he could enter the unrestricted free agent market at age 28. He'll turn 30 at the end of the 2012 season and a four-year contract would take him to that year. Most people are rightfully scared of that age when it comes to running backs.

Source: SI.com

I don't have anything to say here, this report doesn't affect his fantasy football value. He's still a second round pick and a borderline top 15 running back. I just wanted to put this in here because the writer who broke this story is named Bucky. Bucky! The Freak Rides Dirty Titans DE Jevon Kearse was reportedly arrested and charged with DUI early Sunday.

Nashville police say Kearse was "speeding and swerving several times" while behind the wheel. Kearse reportedly exhibited red eyes, slurred speech, and his breath smelled like alcohol when an officer pulled him over. He claimed to have only drank one vodka red bull, but refused a breath test. This is Kearse's first known offense, so he's likely not at risk of suspension.

Source: Newschannel 5 Tennessee This report is a few days old, but I just had to get my five cents in on it. Kearse probably isn't telling the truth, but if he is, it's more pathetic than if he lied. Seriously, what would be sadder? That another NFL player is drinking it up in the bars and clubs and driving afterwards? Or that a 6'4, 265 pound man could be such a lightweight that he gets this drunk from a single vodka red bull? But don't worry Jevon. I believe that you only drank one vodka red bull. You also had only one apple martini, only one Kamikaze shot, only one Y2K shot, only one shot of Smurf Piss, and only one Peppermint Patty.

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Mancrush Monday! Alex's Pick

According to my calendar, it's Monday. Of course, my calendar is still on December of 2007, but it feels like a Monday to me. And you know what that means: wait, you don't? Oh, then let me explain. It's Mancrush Monday. (For the record, this wasn't my idea.) Ah yes, Mancrush Monday, the day in the week where we'll be talking about the player's we think will be very successful this year. What lucky player will have the honor of making the list this week? None other than Larry Johnson/RB Kansas City. I've looked at a great deal of rankings by other fantasy owner's, because I have that kind of time, and most people rank Johnson fairly low. Not I. We can't forget about his success in the past and his current opportunites which could lead to a lot of success in the present. There are two major pluses going for Johnson. 1. Supporting Cast: Or lack thereof. While that has been one of his negatives, I view it as a positive. It means the team will rely on Johnson even more. The Chiefs have a more than questionable passing game, but have one of the top runner's in the league. It only makes sense to give the rock to the best player's on the team, and I'll give you a hint, that certainly isn't Brodie Croyle. 2. Coaching: I think it's safe to say KC is one of the most run committed teams in the league. Head coach Herm Edwards is more conserative and favors the run to the pass. Then there's new offensive coordinator Chan Gailey. If you remember, he helped the Steelers become one of the most effective rushing teams in the league when he was the Steelers' offensive coordinator in the late 90's. He made a power back like Jerome Bettis successful; LJ is a power back, too, albeit not as good as one as Bettis was. If there ever was a coaching tandem that would run the ball all game long, it's Herm Edwards and Chan Gailey. I honestly believe that Johnson will carry the ball at least 20 times a game. Why is that? I've shown that the Chiefs will likely be committed to the running game this year and there is also this stat. Last year, when Johnson had 20+ rushing attempts, KC went 4-0. When he didn't, they went 0-4. Chew on that crunchy nugget for awhile. Dig in; I'll get you a bib.
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Rip Van Winkle of the Day

Before I get into any fantasy analysis, I would like to say I'm glad to be apart of this blog. I know that both Tosten and myself are committed to keeping up with the blog. Of course, they said Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino were committed; I digress. However, I feel that this blog has already hit rock bottom after only one other entry. How is that possible, you may ask? It appears that our slogan is the same one the NBA has, "where amazing happens". Can you believe that? This blog has only been up for a few day's and we've already resorted to stealing cheap line's off of the NBA. If there is any light at the end of the tunnel, it's that we have nowhere to go but up. I suppose it is my job to right this ship and get it back on track. That's enough rambling out of me for the day. Let's delve into some fantasy football talk, the reason you came here. You know, besides for my awesome jokes. Each day, I will post a player I consider to be a "bust" or a "sleeper". If you have a 5th grade education or better, you can tell that I'll be discussing a sleeper today. These aren't your ordinary sleepers; I won't be saying Thomas Jones is a sleeper. Because he isn't. He's a well known player in the fantasy community; that is not a sleeper. I know you're dying to know who my player of choice will be and I won't make you wait a minute longer: Courtney Taylor/WR Seattle: Who? You may not have heard his name yet, but he may very well be on your fantasy team sometime this season. Taylor is entering his second year in the league. With DJ Hackett sporting a Panthers jersey and Deion Branch looking to be a long time away from being back on the field, Taylor has a great opportunity to make some noise on the depth charts. The coaches appear to like Taylor's potential; meaning, he'll be given plenty of chances to produce. With a solid QB in Matt Hasselback and a pass happy Seattle team, Taylor could be a productive slot man. Engram worked a lot out of the slot last year, and looked what happened; he became a valuable asset to a lot of fantasy owner's. I won't go as far to say Taylor will put up the same number's as Engram did last year, but he may be worthy of a bench spot in deep leagues.
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Welcome to Your New Favorite Fantasy Football Site

Hello kind sir, and welcome to the best fantasy football site that the internet has to offer. After playing this game for years and being disappointed with the low amounts of comedic talent, intelligence, and most obviously, hair among the current fantasy football writing community, Alex Kozora and I, Tosten Burks, two funny and smart guys with full heads of hair, decided to take it upon ourselves to give the world a better type of fantasy football site. After months of meditation and prayer, and consultation with the top marketing experts in the field (who just happened to be guys in this one fantasy league we're in), we bring you this blog. Over the next few weeks, we will start to delve into the nerdy, sometimes humorous, and always correct fantasy football content that we've planned for you. This includes sleepers, busts, news reports, player debates, mancrushes (hey, don't judge, I'm from California), and the American pastime that is media member bashing. That's right, you'll get to make fun of Matthew Berry all you want in the safe confines of FFWritersWithHair.blogspot.com. The best part about this site is that we care about you the reader! If you have a joke you've just been dying to get out, or an email with funny pictures of kittens doing funny things, or maybe even some questions, comments, suggestions, or quips about the site, hit us up at ffwriterswithhair@gmail.com. And don't forget to comment on the articles. (And click on the ads. That goes towards my gas money. And I don't drive a stinking Prius.) So you ready? Ready to get blown away by the next generation of fantasy football content? Ready to hear dumb jokes all the time? Ready to hear how much I love Steven Jackson? Ready for me to stop asking if you're ready? Ok! FFWritersWithHair.blogspot.com. Where Amazing Happens.
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